When I was a teenager, I had a piano recital in my 80-something piano teacher’s living room. The audience of about 20 was mostly parents and grandparents of the other performers. It was cozy, supportive, and entirely low-stakes—the kind of setting where you’d think nothing could go too wrong.

But then it happened. As I was playing my piece, I got stuck. My fingers faltered, and I couldn’t find my way back on track. Without thinking, I did what I’d always done when I got frustrated during practice: I slammed my hands down on the piano keys and shouted, “Sh*t!”
The room froze. For five excruciatingly long seconds, the only sound was my heart pounding in my ears. The grandparents looked scandalized. The parents avoided eye contact. My piano teacher coughed delicately into her hand. And I wished desperately for a hole to crawl into.
That was my first real lesson in the idea that what we practice, we perform. My outburst wasn’t just a reflex; it was a habit I’d built by reacting that way whenever I got frustrated. And when the pressure was on, that habit kicked in automatically.
This concept doesn’t just apply to artistic performances, though. It applies to life. Stick with me here...
Why Practice Matters:

If we want to respond and portray ourselves a certain way in public, we have to normalize that mindset and behavior in private. When the stakes are high, we don’t have time to consciously decide how to react—we fall back on whatever we’ve been practicing.
Let’s say you want to handle criticism gracefully. If your internal monologue during private moments is a constant loop of “I’m such an idiot” or “Why can’t I ever get it right?” then guess what? That’s what will bubble up when someone critiques you. Instead, you’ve got to practice telling yourself, “Mistakes are how I learn” or “One piece of feedback doesn’t define my abilities.” Normalize that mindset until it becomes second nature.
Or imagine you want to confidently contribute to group discussions at work. If, in private, you routinely downplay your ideas (“It’s probably not that great”) or silence yourself (“No one wants to hear what I think”), then you’re practicing self-doubt. Flip the script. Practice saying, “My ideas are valuable” or “I have unique insights to share.” Do this often enough, and it will feel natural to voice your thoughts in a meeting.
Everyday Examples of "Practicing":
This principle applies to so many areas of life. Here are some situations where practicing positive mindsets can make all the difference:
- When being criticized: Instead of practicing defensiveness or self-blame, practice saying, “Thanks for the feedback” and considering it with curiosity.
- When making a mistake: Practice replacing “I’m such a failure” with “What can I learn from this?”
- When something goes wrong: If you tend to reflexively blame yourself, practice reminding yourself that not everything is your fault—life happens.
- When keeping boundaries: Practice phrases like, “I can’t commit to that right now” or “That doesn’t work for me.”
- When asking for help: Instead of feeling ashamed, practice saying, “Everyone needs help sometimes” or “It’s okay to lean on others.”
Practice Makes Confident:

What’s the point of all this practice? It’s to ensure that when you’re on autopilot, you’re steering in the right direction. You’re teaching your brain to automatically reach for confidence, self-compassion, and resilience—even in challenging moments. This is what confidence coaching is all about.
For example, if you want to perform with confidence when someone publicly questions your opinion, you’ll need to have practiced believing in your value during quieter times. Or if you want to stay true to yourself when disappointing someone else, you’ll need to have practiced the mindset that you have a right to honor your needs and values.
The same goes for any scenario, from giving a talk to managing conflict. By practicing positive, constructive mindsets in private, you’re building a foundation that will support you when it matters most.
One Last Thought:
If you’re thinking, “But I’ll never get it perfect,” here’s the truth: You don’t have to. Practicing isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Every time you catch yourself practicing a mindset or behavior you don’t want, that’s an opportunity to pivot. And over time, those small pivots add up.
So, whether you’re preparing for a piano recital or navigating life’s curveballs, remember: What we practice, we perform. Practice wisely, my friends—and maybe leave the dramatic piano slams for the theater.