Confidence Coaching Posts

How To Manage Imposter Syndrome: Take the Quiz!

Want to learn how to manage imposter syndrome?

Take a number! 70 to 80 per cent of us have dealt with, or currently deal with some level of imposter feelings. The odds increase for you if you're female and/or a minority. So the first good news is you're not alone. 

Yay?

The first less-than-good news is, however, if you're newly exploring the possibility, you may have not yet fully uncovered just how strongly it's impacting your life, your choices, and your success. You see, imposter syndrome isn't just overinflated modesty. It's a genuine belief that you didn't rightfully earn your accomplishments or accolades and, at any moment, others could discover your fraudulent nature. And because of that, it can be tricky to pin down.

In my late twenties, I started singing and playing keys with local cover bands. 

Despite having a master of music, tons of training and skills, and initially playing with self-taught musicians who often couldn't speak the language of music, I felt less-than in those bands. I hid from challenges and deferred to others' goals. Which is another way to say, I compromised my creativity, my heart, and my progress. I hadn't even begun to try to manage imposter syndrome for one very simple reason I started to mention above...

I genuinely believed that I was incapable and undeserving of more. I didn't think I could do anything about it, so I didn't even try.

When you genuinely believe you are an imposter, you don't know there is anything to fix or transform.

You know the saying. The first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging you have it. But it will likely take outside perspectives to help you see it. At least, in the beginning. I hope this article can provide that much for you! But let me lay out a few steps to make your new path to self-belief easier.

How To Manage Imposter Syndrome

3 First Steps to Manage Imposter Syndrome

  1. Acknowledge it exists in you. The fact that you're reading this right now means you at least suspect it presents some level of challenge for you. So, good on you for being here! 
  2. Talk about it. So many of us deal with imposter feelings that if you begin to talk about them, most likely the person you're talking to can relate. Not only will it help you to air these feelings, you could also help whoever you're sharing them with!
  3. Analyze the ways it impacts you. Your happiness and success in career and in life are all impacted when your choices are influenced by imposter feelings. Imagine what life could look like if you felt capable and confident, and then dare to envision making choices like capable and confidence person would.

Learning How to Manage Imposter Syndrome is an Ongoing Process

It's not a switch you turn on and off. It's an evolving journey that can feel overwhelming at the onset, but trust me, the journey is worth it's weight in gold. Worth the emotional and mental weight it will lift from your shoulders. Worth the feeling of being aligned with your most authentic, confident, and capable self.

These 3 steps are a great way to start, but I have an even better tool to help you continue. It's my Imposter Syndrome Quiz.

Answer 10 questions, get your score, and go to a results page (bookmark it!) with a list of Common Traits of Imposter Syndrome. Each trait is explained and comes with a suggestion for an easy mindset shift to help you take back power from your inner "imposter." It's a tool you can return to over and over again on your journey. Take advantage of it!

And if you'd like more customized guidance and feedback, feel free to schedule a chat with me. I'd love to meet you and be a part of your journey.

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Confidence Coaching Posts

End Your Phone Addiction: How and Why You Want To

Picture this: You’re at a coffee shop, sipping your favorite latte, and suddenly you realize you haven’t looked up from your phone in 20 minutes. The world could be on fire, but you’d never know because you’re too busy scrolling, texting, or watching funny cat videos. Sound familiar? If so, you might be one of the many people who’ve unknowingly fallen into the trap of phone addiction. But don’t worry, you’re not alone—and there’s a way out!

Signs You Might Be Addicted to Your Phone

Let’s start by getting real: How do you know if your relationship with your phone has gone from healthy companionship to full-blown obsession? Here are some telltale signs:

  1. Phantom Vibration Syndrome: Ever felt your phone buzz in your pocket (or heard a text ding), only to find it didn’t? That’s your brain playing tricks on you, my friend.
  2. Screen Time Shock: You check your screen time stats and are genuinely surprised to see how many hours you’ve spent on your phone today. (Spoiler: It’s a lot more than you thought.)
  3. Multi-Tasking Master (Not Really): You can’t watch TV, eat, or even use the bathroom without your phone in hand. Multi-tasking? Maybe. Healthy? Not so much.
  4. Socializing on Silent: You’re at a social event, but instead of mingling, you’re glued to your phone, liking posts from people who are… also glued to their phones.
  5. Night Owl Syndrome: You say you’ll just check one more thing before bed, and suddenly it’s 2 AM, and you’re deep in a Wikipedia rabbit hole about something totally random.
  6. Did I miss any that you think should be on this list? Add them to the comments - I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

If any of these hit close to home, it might be time to reevaluate your phone habits. Either way, don’t worry—there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

The Sweet Freedom of Breaking Up with Your Phone

Woman breaking her phone addiction

Now, let’s dream a little. Imagine what your life could be like if you broke free from your phone’s hypnotic grip. The possibilities are endless, but here are a few highlights:

  1. Better Relationships: Without your phone constantly stealing your attention, you can be fully present with the people you care about. Those real-life conversations and shared experiences? Priceless.
  2. More Time for You: Think of all the things you could do with the hours you’ll gain back! Finally, read that book, start a new hobby, or simply enjoy some peace and quiet. You’ll be amazed at how much time you actually have.
  3. Improved Mental Health: Studies have shown that less screen time can lead to lower stress levels and better sleep. Plus, you’ll break the cycle of constant comparison that social media often fuels.
  4. Increased Productivity: With fewer distractions, you’ll find it easier to focus on your goals and get things done. Whether it’s work, school, or personal projects, you’ll be more productive and feel more accomplished.
  5. Rediscovering the World Around You: There’s a big, beautiful world out there waiting to be explored—no screen required. Reconnect with nature, enjoy the sights and sounds around you, and remember what it’s like to live in the moment.

What Are You Really Avoiding?

Here’s the million-dollar question: What are you avoiding by using your phone so much? Sometimes, our phone habits are less about entertainment and more about distraction. But distraction from what?

Ask yourself: Am I avoiding uncomfortable feelings? Maybe there’s stress, anxiety, or boredom that you’re numbing with endless scrolling. Am I avoiding tasks I don’t want to tackle? Sometimes, our phones offer a convenient escape from responsibilities we’d rather ignore. Am I avoiding confronting deeper issues? Phones can be a buffer against facing fears, insecurities, or big decisions we’re not ready to address.

Once you identify what you’re avoiding, you can take steps to face it head-on. Here’s how:

  1. Delete Your Most Addictive Apps: If Tik Tok robs you of hours of your life, get it off your phone. There's no easier way to avoid a bad habit than no longer having access to it.
  2. If removing an app isn't an option (for example, if you own an online business that uses social media for marketing): Turn off notifications and keep your phone out of reach to avoid being lured into checking it. 
  3. Acknowledge What You're Avoiding: The first step to overcoming any challenge is recognizing it. Be honest with yourself about what you’re avoiding and why.
  4. Break It Down: Big issues can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to tackle them all at once. Break them down into smaller, manageable steps, and take it one day at a time.
  5. Seek Support: You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s talking to a friend, seeking professional help, or joining a support group, there’s strength in numbers.
  6. Replace Your Habit: Instead of reaching for your phone when you feel the urge to avoid something, try a new, healthy habit. Go for a walk, meditate, journal, call or visit a friend, or engage in a hobby you love.

Ready to Take Control of Your Life?

Breaking free from phone addiction isn’t just about spending less time on your device—it’s about reclaiming your life and focusing on what truly matters. If you’re ready to take the next step and need a little guidance, I’m here to help! Schedule a confidence coaching discovery call, and together we’ll pinpoint what’s holding you back and create a plan to help you go after what you really want in life.

Remember, you’re capable of so much more than scrolling. It’s time to become your potential!

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Confidence Coaching Posts

The Power of Action: Overcoming Fears Without Deep Analysis

In our quest for overcoming fears, we often feel compelled to deeply analyze our past and choices.

While better understanding what holds us back can be insightful, it's not always necessary for overcoming self-imposed obstacles. Sometimes, the mere recognition of our challenges and fears is enough to catalyze transformation.

In fact, what I often witness as I work with clients is that recurring questions like "Why do I do this?" or "What's wrong with me?" often become excuses to NOT move forward. 

If we stop asking why and just acknowledge the choices that are holding us back, we can consciously decide to make new choices. Even if they're small steps, these acts of power will desensitize and retrain our brain and body to comfortably do what once paralyzed us. These acts can be significantly more powerful than merely discussing our fears. And they don't require a complete understanding of those fears to be effective.

This is why I call life coaching Action Therapy.

A Simple Example of Action Overcoming Fears

I once worked with a teenage singing student who was about to perform with a band of her peers for the first time, using a microphone. When I handed her the mic, she hesitated, clasping her hands together instead of taking it. She began explaining why she didn't like singing into a mic—how it felt awkward, how hearing herself threw her off, and how it made her performance suffer. Rather than delving into a detailed discussion about her fear, I simply acknowledged her feelings, saying, "I totally understand you," and handed her the mic again.

She took it, sang with the band, and never expressed that fear again. The act of doing the thing that scared her proved far more powerful than talking about it. By facing her fear head-on, she overcame it without needing to dissect every reason behind it.

Have you been trying to understand why you're afraid of asking for a raise? Stop asking why and start preparing what you'll say to your boss.

Are you wondering why you feel guilty when you try to set and keep boundaries with your kids? Stop asking why, keep your boundaries, and deal with the guilt until the guilt fades away.

Do you stay in bad relationships because you're afraid of being alone? Stop asking why and go be alone until it doesn't scare you anymore. 

Why Action Over Analysis for Overcoming Fears?

  1. Immediate Feedback: Taking action provides immediate feedback and often shows that our fears are unfounded or completely manageable.
  2. Builds Confidence: Every small victory boosts confidence, creating a positive feedback loop.
  3. Reduces Anxiety: Prolonged analysis can sometimes heighten anxiety, while action can reduce it by shifting focus from thinking to doing.
  4. Empowers Change: Taking action empowers you to change your narrative from one of fear to one of capability.
  5. Changes Your Normal: Change can be uncomfortable, even when it's right. But it's only uncomfortable because it's different. Changed behavior that is repeated will become your new normal.

To sum it up... While understanding our past can be super beneficial, it’s not a prerequisite for overcoming fears. Recognizing and then confronting our fears through deliberate actions can lead to significant transformations. You can read a little more about this in my post about Saying Yes to Things That Scare You.

The power of doing should never be underestimated; sometimes, the best way to overcome our fears is simply to face them through action.

My wish for you right now in this moment, is to feel motivated to let go of the need to understand "why" and start implementing actions to change your life. And if you want help figuring out how to do that, hit me up for a free chat. This is my jam. Use me!

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Confidence Coaching Posts

How to Build Confidence and Why You Want To

How to Build Confidence and Why You Want To.

In a world where self-doubt often seems to reign supreme, building genuine confidence can feel like a monumental task. Yet, the journey to self-assurance is one worth embarking on. 

Confidence isn't about arrogance or pretending to be something you're not; it's about embracing who you truly are and letting that shine through in every aspect of your life. Let's explore what it means to live with genuine confidence, why it's transformative, and how you can cultivate it in your own life. Whether you want to Voice Your Potential through singing or otherwise, the substance of this article applies to you.

What Does It Mean to Live with Genuine Confidence?

How to build confidence

Living with genuine confidence is about more than just appearing self-assured to others. It’s a profound inner alignment with your true self—a state where your thoughts, feelings, and actions are in harmony with who you really are. Here’s what it looks like:

Self-Love and Acceptance: At its core, genuine confidence begins with self-love and acceptance. It’s the ability to look at yourself, with all your strengths and imperfections, and feel a deep sense of worthiness. You appreciate yourself not for some idealized version of who you could be, but for who you are right now.

Living in Alignment with Your True Self: When you're genuinely confident, your actions and decisions align with your values and beliefs. You’re not swayed by others’ opinions or societal expectations. Instead, you move through life guided by your own inner compass, making choices that resonate with your authentic self.

Speaking and Living Your Truth: Genuine confidence empowers you to express your thoughts and feelings openly. You communicate honestly, without fear of judgment, and live your life authentically. This doesn’t mean you’re always fearless, but it does mean you have the courage to be true to yourself despite fear.

Why You Want to Live with Genuine Confidence

Building and living with genuine confidence can dramatically improve your life in numerous ways. Here are some compelling reasons to cultivate this transformative quality:

 Enhanced Relationships: When you’re confident in who you are, your relationships flourish. You attract people who appreciate you for your true self, and you’re better able to communicate, set healthy boundaries, and form deep, meaningful connections.

Greater Resilience: Confidence equips you with the resilience to face life’s challenges. You trust your abilities to navigate difficulties and are less likely to be thrown off course by setbacks. This inner strength helps you recover from adversity and continue moving forward.

Increased Opportunities: Genuine confidence opens doors. When you believe in yourself, you’re more likely to pursue opportunities and take risks that align with your goals and passions. This proactive approach can lead to personal and professional growth that you might have otherwise missed.

Improved Mental Well-being: Living authentically reduces the stress and anxiety that come from trying to meet others’ expectations or conform to societal norms. When you accept and embrace your true self, you experience greater peace, happiness, and fulfillment.

Empowerment and Freedom: Confidence liberates you from the constraints of self-doubt and fear. It gives you the power to make decisions that are right for you, to stand up for yourself, and to live a life that is truly yours. This sense of empowerment can transform your entire outlook on life.

How to Build (Genuine) Confidence

Building genuine confidence is a journey, and it starts with small, intentional steps. Here are three powerful ways to cultivate self-assurance and live in alignment with your true self:

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. When you make a mistake or face a setback, resist the urge to be overly critical. Instead, acknowledge your efforts, learn from the experience, and move forward with grace. Self-compassion nurtures a positive relationship with yourself, which is the foundation of genuine confidence.

Set and Honor Personal Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial for maintaining your sense of self and protecting your well-being. Be clear about what is acceptable to you and communicate these boundaries to others. By respecting your own limits, you reinforce your value and demonstrate to yourself and others that you deserve respect and consideration.

Embrace Authenticity: Make a conscious effort to live in alignment with your true self. This means identifying your values, passions, and beliefs, and allowing them to guide your actions and decisions. It also involves being honest with yourself and others about your needs, desires, and feelings. Embracing authenticity fosters a deep connection with yourself and cultivates the confidence to live your truth.

Additional Tips for Building Confidence:

  • Seek Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who encourage and uplift you. Positive relationships provide a safe space to express yourself and grow (consider a Voice Your Potential confidence coaching discovery call with me!)
  • Celebrate Your Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Recognizing your accomplishments builds a sense of pride and reinforces your belief in your abilities.
  • Engage in Self-Care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Prioritize activities that nourish and rejuvenate you, and make time for rest and relaxation.

The Wrap-Up

Building genuine confidence is a transformative journey that allows you to live authentically, connect deeply with others, and embrace life with courage and joy. By practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and living in alignment with your true self, you can cultivate a sense of confidence that empowers you to speak your truth and pursue your dreams. Embrace this journey and watch as your life flourishes in ways you never imagined possible. You got this!

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Artist Development Posts, Confidence Coaching Posts

The Power of Pursuing a Dream: Why Following a Passion Can Transform Your Life

The Pitfalls of Not Following Your Heart

It's easy to push aside something our heart tells us it wants, whether big life-altering dreams or smaller tweaks we'd like to make in our daily lives. Voices from inside and out say our dreams are silly, or unrealistic, or impossible. And those voices can convince us it's "not the right time," or that we don't really want that dream. 

You can lie to your friends about what your heart wants, but you can't lie to your heart. And that lie risks you waking up every day to a life that feels mundane and uninspiring. The alarm clock rings, and you drag yourself out of bed, not because you want to, but because you have to. Because you're living a life where you're not being the person you really want to be. Your heart knows it.

I get it. I've been there. It's not because there's something wrong with you. It's a very human thing to do. It may seem harmless or even noble to put off your heart, especially if you "give up' your needs for your children. Yet, not pursuing the things that truly matter to you can have profound negative effects. It can manifest in various forms, including chronic stress, anxiety, and even depression. 

None of this is good for you or your children. 

My mother passed away several years back. She had a lot of dreams in her life, but never the confidence and self-belief to pursue them. Yet she always told me that I should and could follow my dreams. Did I? No. Because I became the person she taught me to be. 

I became someone who told other people they should and could follow there dreams but who didn't follow her own.

That's how it works. Others learn as much, or more, from your actions as they do from your words. If you aren't making yourself and your heart a priority in your life, you are encouraging your children (and others) to do the same. Be the change you want to see in your children.

The Contrast: Envisioning a Life of Pursuit

It doesn't have to be a drastic change. You don't have to quit your job tomorrow and move to Santa Fe to be a painter. Almost always, small tweaks in your current life are enough to make your heart feel heard and your life feel purposeful.

Whether it's singing, painting, being a foodie, or going minimalist in your living space, the act of pursuing what you love brings a unique vitality and joy to your life. And the journey catalyzes an improved feeling of self-love, deservedness, and confidence.

That's the power of realigning with the person you truly are. Let me break down some examples of the changes you'll experience when you finally say "yes" to your heart.

 Enhanced Sense of Purpose

  • Pursuing a dream gives your life direction and meaning. The Blue Zones, regions known for the longevity and health of their residents, highlight having a sense of purpose as a key factor in living a longer, healthier life. When you follow your passion, you wake up with a reason to get out of bed, which can contribute to overall well-being and happiness.

Emotional Well-being

  • Engaging in activities you love releases endorphins, the body's natural mood elevators. For instance, singing has been shown to reduce stress, improve mood, and create a sense of community. This emotional uplift can buffer against the daily stresses of life, leading to a more resilient and positive outlook.

Physical Health Benefits

  • The physical act of engaging in something you love keeps your mind active, can reduce bad habits like the urge to snack or to squat on the couch for long periods of time, and can even boost your immune system. 

Personal Growth and Self-Discovery

  • Chasing your dreams often involves stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks. This journey fosters personal growth, resilience, and self-discovery. As you overcome challenges and achieve milestones, you build confidence and learn more about your strengths and capabilities.

Building Meaningful Connections

  • When you engage in your passions, you often find a community of like-minded individuals who share your interests. These connections can lead to deep, meaningful relationships and a strong support network. Whether through a choir, a writing group, or a cooking class, the shared pursuit of a common goal fosters camaraderie and belonging.

Empower Yourself to Live a Life of Purpose

It's easy to get caught up in the societal narrative that equates success with monetary gain. However, the true measure of a fulfilling life lies in the joy and satisfaction you derive from your daily activities. 

By giving yourself permission to pursue your dreams, you embrace a life of purpose and passion, regardless of financial outcomes. And yet, being happier in your overall life often equates to greater success in your work life!

No more waiting!

Living a life aligned with your passions can lead to greater overall happiness and well-being. So, take that first step. Sing that song. Write that book. Paint that picture. Allow yourself to dream, and more importantly, to chase those dreams with all your heart.

The journey itself is the reward, bringing color, meaning, and joy to every day.

If you could use some guidance determining how to move forward toward a more purpose-driven life (including singing or not), please schedule a chat with me. It's free of charge and free of any pressure to work together in the future. Let me help you think things out!


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Artist Development Posts, Confidence Coaching Posts

How to Chase Your Dreams: 5 Steps to Get You Started

It's time to chase your dreams.

You deserve it, and you're up for the challenge!

Even though I often work with aspiring singers, what I'm about to share in this article applies to anyone with any dream. Including you!

The five steps I detail below will help you shift away from aiming low (or not aiming at all) to going after the things your heart wants. Use them as a roadmap to free your heart to pursue what will make you happy and fulfilled.

Remember, as far as we know, we get one shot at this life. May you and I both make the most of it!


1. Identify Limiting Beliefs

Chase your dreams

Often, we aim low due to limiting beliefs ingrained over time. These beliefs might stem from past failures, societal or familial pressures, or fear of the unknown. Or they may simply reflect a struggle with self-worth. 

To shift this mindset, you need to identify these beliefs. Ask yourself questions like:

  • Do I have an implicit expectation of failure?
  • Do I struggle with a degree of imposter syndrome?
  • Did I take on someone else's low expectations of me and turn them into my own?

Once you've identified the limiting beliefs, remind yourself that they are only feelings. Feelings are real in that we really feel them. But they do not represent reality. 

Once you see the limiting beliefs clearly, you can CHOOSE to not allow them to inform your decisions. But this is only a first step, so keep reading!

2. Set Clear Goals:

As you begin to see beyond the limiting beliefs you've been conditioned to believe, now you can get honest about what your heart really wants. This is a step that has to be taken without your brain getting distracted with thoughts of what's "realistic" or "silly." Dream freely and ask yourself what the steps would need to be for this dream to become a reality. Map out a timeline of those steps, setting specific, achievable goals as markers along the way. This not only provides a roadmap but also instills a sense of excitement, direction, and purpose.

Chasing dreams should be fun! But sometimes, it can also be scary, so learn to...

3. Embrace Fear:

Fear often holds us. back. Whether it's fear of failure, judgment, or our own disappointment, it can paralyze people into settling for mediocrity. 

But fear is a natural part of growth. Each great next thing always lives outside your comfort zone. Always. 

When a singer feels fear as she gets up on stage and sings, that fear exists because she is living her life as a singer! It's proof that she's on her path, doing life on her terms.

It's less important how that one performance goes, and way more important that she executes the performance, because good or bad, it will teach her valuable lessons for improving.

When it comes to dreams, what scares us most is exactly what we want. That's why it can be so emotional, and why all dream-chasers should...

4. Seek Support:

When we go after the life our heart wants, it can be a rollercoaster of emotions, from excitement to doubt. Without the right support system in place, the moments of doubt threaten to derail us. We all need a person or people who will cheer us on during the highs and steady us during the lows, so we don't lose sight of what's important. Find yours, make your goals clear to them, and lean on them when you need to.

Incidentally, this is my jam - my mission in the world - to support people who want to create a life that feels meaningful and in alignment with the person they truly want to be. This is core of both my confidence coaching program and my artist development program (the Rockstar membership tier). Check both out if you want the guidance and support that will become your anchor during your inevitable moments of doubt.

Steps 1 through 4 have all been about mindset. But mindset goes nowhere if you don't...

5. Take Action:

Action is required to chase your dreams. This will involve things like:

  • Stepping out of your comfort zone
  • Committing time/energy/resources 
  • Getting feedback from the correct, knowledgable sources
  • Persisting in the face of setbacks.

Begin with small, manageable actions. These will build your momentum and confidence to take bigger actions. All new actions will feel uncomfortable - until they don't. That's called progress, and it will be worth it in the end!

By addressing limiting beliefs, setting clear goals, embracing fear, seeking support, and taking action, you can stop aiming low and start daring to chase your dreams. It's about shifting mindset, recognizing your true potential, and following your heart with courage and determination.

You got this!

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How to Build Confidence: Say “Yes” to Things That Challenge (& Scare) You

There are many stops along the journey to learning how to build confidence.

Few are more important the learning to say "yes" to the right opportunities - through the investment of time, energy, or resources - that will benefit your skillsets, self-belief, and sense of accomplishment. 

The Cost of Hesitation:

How to build confidence

Confidence is the key to success and happiness. And pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones is a requirement for learning how to build confidence. Yet, many of us find ourselves hesitating when faced with opportunities that could propel us and our confidence forward.

This hesitation often stems from a lack of belief in (1) our current skills, (2) our worthiness to pursue our goals, and/or (3) our ability to rise to the occasion and develop new skills in real time.

Imagine an opportunity arises to meet your friends at a karaoke night. Instead of thinking, "Yes! This is an opportunity to practice my technique while feeling nervous,"  you may instead find yourself plagued by inner dialogue like, "They'll find out I'm not good enough" or "My voice might crack and then I'd be mortified!" 

We become so fixated on the possibility of things going wrong that we fail to see the potential for growth and learning that comes with taking risks.

And more importantly, we rob ourselves of the confidence that grows from stepping outside our comfort zones and surviving! This fear-based mindset creates a barrier between us and our aspirations, leaving us stagnant and unfulfilled. Which makes us feel even less worthy. Which makes us pass up more valuable opportunities. And so on...

Embracing the Power of "Yes":

Now, imagine saying "yes" to karaoke night. Instead of allowing fear and self-doubt to dictate your choices, you choose to embrace the unknown and trust in your ability to overcome challenges. So, you get up to sing your first song and... your voice DOES crack. Ahhhhh!!!

Yes, curling up to die is one option.

But a better choice is to ask yourself why it happened. In this case, I can tell you the answer. You were singing with tension for sure, if your voice cracked. Now, with that hindsight, you go to sing your second song and you focus on not tensing your tongue and throat as you sing. And guess what? You'll do better. And you will have made that progress in real time.

By saying "yes" to growth-building opportunities, you open yourself up to a world of great possibilities. You'll discover hidden talents and strengths that you never knew existed. You'll cultivate resilience and adaptability as you navigate unfamiliar territory. With each new challenge you conquer, your confidence and self-belief will grow, paving the way for even greater achievements.

Moreover, by stepping outside of your comfort zone, you expand your horizons and enrich your life experiences.

You meet new people, explore new ideas, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself, the world around you, and your ability to navigate it. Every obstacle becomes an opportunity for growth, and every setback becomes a lesson in resilience.

In essence, by embracing the power of "yes," you unlock your full potential and create a life filled with purpose, passion, and fulfillment. 

Cultivating a "Yes" Mindset:

Building confidence and self-belief starts with adopting a "yes" mindset. This is a foundational component of confidence coaching and the Singer-Athlete Membership program. Here are some simple behavior and mindset changes - used by both those types of coaching clients - that you can also employ to start saying "yes" to challenging but beneficial opportunities:

  1. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Replace self-doubt with self-empowering affirmations. Instead of saying "I can't," say "I can learn and grow."
  2. Embrace Mistakes as a Learning Opportunity: Shift your perspective on "failure" from something to be feared to something to be embraced. Every setback is a chance to learn and improve.
  3. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone Regularly: Make a conscious effort to try new things and take calculated risks. Start with small steps and gradually work your way up to bigger challenges.
  4. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences: Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you to be your best self. Seek out mentors and role models who embody the confidence and self-belief you aspire to have.
  5. Celebrate Your Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Recognize the progress you've made and use it as motivation to keep saying "yes" to new opportunities.

As you learn how to build confidence, remember, confidence is not about being fearless—it's about having the courage to face your fears and grow stronger because of them. Say "yes" to beneficial challenges - even the ones that scare you or require your time and resources to pursue - and watch as your confidence and happiness soar to new heights.

Not sure how to move forward? Schedule a free chat!

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5 Ways To Stop Beating Yourself Up For Past Mistakes & Love Life!

It's time to stop beating yourself up over past mistakes.

Whether it's a mistake made a few years ago, yesterday, or two seconds ago, you deserve to let it go. If you keep collecting and carrying mishaps and regrets, life will become drudgery. 

Once upon a time, my singing life was drudgery. 

I would gather all the (often unnoticeable) mistakes I made during a gig until the end of the third set, when I would hustle to pack up my gear and bolt from the scene of the crime. That night, I'd lie in bed recounting all the ways I stunk. Then the ghosts of those mistakes would taunt me again as I prepared for the next gig. I hardly understand why I kept gigging.

Thankfully, I learned to break this cycle. Now it's your turn.

Stop beating yourself up

The five suggestions I've outlined below are the many angles that together freed me from this struggle. Before I get to them, I want you to know three things:

  1. You DESERVE to be free of this burden.
  2. You CAN be free of this burden.
  3. You ARE NOT alone in this challenge.

So, please don't let the fact that you need help with this become another reason to get down on yourself. Ok. Ready to stop beating yourself up? 

5 Ways to Stop Beating Yourself Up For Past Mistakes

  1. Go Split-Personality: Imagine a second You, maybe even you as a kid, standing beside the current You. This person has made the same mistakes you made. Would you become verbally abusive to this other person? Or would you be kind and supportive? I'm going to assume you would choose the latter. So choose the same for yourself. Choose compassion and support over verbal (internal) abuse. You deserve support a much as the people you give it to. Make reminding yourself of this a new habit.
  2. Expect Overall Success: When you expect overall failure, any and all little mistakes become signs of that anticipated failure. When you expect success down the road, a mistake today is just telling you what to change or improve for that future success you know is coming. Mistakes aren't a sign of unworthiness. They tell us how to become future masters at life and our goals (incidentally, if you're looking for more success as a singer, check out my YouTube channel).
  3. Remember Who You Answer To: Yourself. That's it. You're not required to please or impress anyone else. Your life is yours and you answer only to you. That means you're free to make mistakes on the road to greatness, and if anyone else has anything to say about it, they can keep it to themselves. Just saying...
  4. Stay In The Game: You know who rarely makes mistakes? People who don't do anything. Do you want to be someone who doesn't do anything, or would you rather be in the game (whatever your game is)? It's literally impossible to go for what you want in life and never make mistakes as you get it. I can't have a bad night during a gig unless I'm doing a gig. And if I'm gigging, I'm in the game. In that respect, mistakes should become a badge of honor. I'll take screwing up a lyric over not gigging any day!
  5. Build Your Genuine Confidence: Why is it that narcissists don't crumble when they make mistakes? Because the way you feel about your mistakes isn't caused by your mistakes. It's caused by how you feel about yourself. Narcissists love themselves (a little too much), and that's why mistakes don't phase them - because nothing will stop them from loving themselves. Please don't become a narcissist, but learn to love, like, and admire yourself so much that mistakes are irrelevant.

SIDE NOTE: Genuine confidence is what confidence coaching is all about. I have 12- & 24-session options as well as payment plans, so don't let finances stop you if you're ready to get help with believing in yourself. Use this link to learn more.

I hope these suggestions inspire you to stop beating yourself up. Remember, breaking the habit of self-abuse can take time. Success will come in a series of small wins as you become kinder to yourself and more confident in who you are as a person.

You can do this, and you deserve it!

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How to Build Confidence in 2024

Want to learn how to build confidence in 2024?

If so, you're not alone, yet so many people believe it's not possible. They think if they're not confident now, they never can be. Like it's a thing you're either born with or not. If you're one of those people, here's why you're wrong...

Because confidence isn't a thing. It's a skill.

I can't give it to you any more than I can give you fluency in a foreign language. You have to want the skill enough to cast aside your preconceived notions and (in keeping with my analogy) begin learning the alphabet, verb conjugations, and idioms necessary to become fluent in confidence. But no worries. You can do this!


How to Build Confidence and Make 2024 Your Dream Year.

How to build confidence

Confidence is like a superpower that can transform you. It's the key to pursuing your dreams, speaking your mind, and living a happy, fulfilling life.

However, for many people, building and maintaining confidence can be a struggle. The good news is that confidence is not an innate trait but a skill that can be developed and nurtured.

And as you develop it, you can use it to confidently go after the life you want in 2024.

In this article, we'll explore actionable steps to help you boost your self-confidence and go after the life you really want.


1. Reconnect with the Person You Knew You Were at Age 8.

The first step in building confidence is understanding and appreciating yourself as you are (check out How to Build Confidence: The Answer is in Your Past.). Your strengths, your quirks, your successes, and your "failures" all contribute to the value you can add to the world. In fact, some of your greatest assets are your flaws and past mistakes, because they make you unique and wiser. Self-acceptance is the foundation of confidence because it frees you from the mistaken idea that you have to somehow fix or otherwise improve yourself before you have worthwhile value. Your value is in who you are, flaws, features, and all.

2. Understand Uppercase vs. Lowercase Confidence.

There are two kinds of confidence, and for all-around success you need to develop both. First is lowercase "C" confidence. This confidence is tied to skills, knowledge, and/or attributes. If you're going after big dreams in 2024, skills and knowledge will be important tools for your success. But to put your skills and knowledge out in the world, you'll also need to hone your uppercase "C" confidence. This is confidence in who you are, what's unique and therefor special about you, and your sense of entitlement to put yourself out there as you improve yourself. If you lack uppercase "C" confidence, no amount of working on your skills will improve it. So work toward improving both.

3. Develop Your Relationship Skills.

Believe it or not, uppercase "C" confidence skills are tied directly to relationship skills. Working on your relationship with yourself (liking and appreciating yourself), your relationship with your peers (feeling like an equal among them), and your relationship with the world and/or audience (you have something they need) will help you become a genuinely confident person in 2024. 

4. Turn Your Flaws Into Features.

Don't feel like you have the experience and know-how that others in your field have? Instead of looking at the ways you lack, start looking at what you can offer that THEY lack. This is how you turn "flaws" into "features."

5. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences.

The people you spend time with can have a significant impact on your confidence. Surround yourself with supportive, positive individuals who believe in your abilities and goals. Avoid toxic relationships that drain your self-esteem. One of your first confident acts of power in 2024 can be standing up to, or walking away from, the people who bring you down.

6. Get Help if You Need It.

If you're struggling with confidence despite your best efforts, don't hesitate to seek out guidance, support, and techniques to help you overcome your challenges.

Consider scheduling a free consultation with me. No high-pressure sales. Just a great conversation with no obligation to continue beyond the session.

However you decide to build genuine confidence and love your life, do it. You deserve it!

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5 Ways to Boost Confidence That You’ll Feel and Portray

Confidence is a skill to be developed and honed. That's good news, because it means if you don't feel it now, you absolutely can! Here are 5 ways to boost your confidence that you will both feel and portray. 


Remember, you don't have to nail them all at once. Just continually work to improve each category.


1. Use Confident Body Language:

  • Posture: Stand tall with your shoulders back and head held high. Good posture not only makes you appear more confident but also affects how you feel about yourself.
  • Eye Contact: Maintain eye contact when speaking with or to others. It conveys sincerity, attentiveness, and confidence. Avoiding eye contact can give the impression of insecurity, shadiness, or shyness.
  • Smile: A genuine smile can instantly make you feel more relaxed and confident. According to Dr. Isha Gupta, a neurologist from IGEA Brain and Spine, a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones including dopamine and serotonin. “Dopamine increases our feelings of happiness. Serotonin release is associated with reduced stress.

2. Communicate Confidently:

  • Clear and Assertive Speech: Speak in a clear, steady voice. Avoid words that leak uncertainty, like "I think," "maybe," and "...or whatever." Also avoid filler words like "um" and "uh" (a silent pause is a better option) and speak at a moderate pace. Being assertive and direct in expressing your thoughts and ideas shows confidence.
  • Active Listening: Confident people are never afraid of another's input. Demonstrate your confidence by actively engaging in conversations. Listen attentively, nod to show understanding, and ask questions to demonstrate your interest. This not only builds your confidence but also helps you connect with others, and show them you are not intimidated by outside perspectives.

3. Set & Achieve Small Goals:

  • Goal Setting: Set realistic and achievable goals for yourself. These goals could be related to personal development, career, creativity, or any area of your life where you want to build confidence.
  • Celebrate Achievements: When you achieve a goal, celebrate it. Acknowledge your success, no matter how small. And remember, success isn't always about the outcome. Sometimes, success is simply getting yourself to do something new in a new way. And you should appreciate yourself anytime to go after something new, even if it's done less than perfectly.

Which leads me to the next of 5 ways to boost your confidence...

4. Leave Your Comfort Zone:

Pushing yourself outside your comfort zone will teach you that you're capable of blowing past fears and accomplishing new things.Some ways to leave you comfort zone are:

  • Try New Hobbies: Pick up a hobby you've never tried before, whether it's painting, dancing, cooking, or playing a musical instrument.
  • Take on a Physical Challenge: Sign up for a fitness class, try a new sport, or set a fitness goal that challenges you to step outside your physical comfort zone.
  • Public Speaking: Join a local Toastmasters club or practice speaking in front of small groups. This can help improve communication skills and boost confidence.
  • Learn a New Skill: Identify a skill you've always wanted to learn, such as coding, a new language, or a form of self-defense, and dedicate time to mastering it.
  • Volunteer: Step outside your comfort zone by volunteering for a cause or organization that you're passionate about. This can expose you to new perspectives and experiences.
  • Read Diverse Content: Expand your perspectives by reading books, articles, or watching documentaries on topics you're not familiar with or that challenge your existing beliefs.
  • Initiate Conversations: Take the initiative to start conversations with people you wouldn't normally approach. This can be in professional or social settings.

5. Find Your Positive People:

  • Cultivate a supportive and positive social circle. Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and encourage you can have a significant impact on your confidence.
  • Minimize exposure to negative influences, whether they come from people or media. Choose sources of inspiration that motivate and empower you.
  • Consider Confidence Coaching: It's the ultimate mentorship program because it's all about you, your needs, your pace, and your confidence to design a life that aligns with you. And there are different package lengths and payment options to make changing your life entirely doable.
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