Artist Development Posts, Singing Tips

Is Singing Good For You? 5 Reasons Singing Makes You Happier and Healthier

Is Singing Good For You?

There are a gazillion reasons why pursuing any creative passion is a great thing to do. Creative pursuits give your life a sense of purpose and meaning, and shine a light on what's unique and special about you.

Pursuing your love of singing in particular can have numerous positive effects on your overall happiness and health. Here are five ways in which singing can contribute to your overall well-being:

1. Stress Reduction:

Singing, especially when you sing songs that you enjoy, can trigger the release of endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. This can help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.
Singing also encourages deep breathing, which can activate the body's relaxation response and lower stress hormones like cortisol.

2. Improved Mental Health:

Singing provides an emotional outlet, allowing you to express your feelings and emotions through music. This can be therapeutic and help you process your thoughts and emotions.
Singing songs from your youth can be particularly cathartic and help you remember who you really are.
Participating in group singing activities, such as choirs or singing in a band, can foster a sense of belonging and community, reducing feelings of loneliness and isolation.

3. Enhanced Physical Health:

Singing requires the use of various muscles in your body, including your diaphragm, intercostal muscles, and facial muscles. Regular singing can strengthen these muscles and improve your posture.
Singing can also boost your immune system by increasing the production of antibodies and enhancing overall lung function.

4. Increased Confidence:

Singing in front of an audience, whether it's a small group of friends or a larger public performance, can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.
As you improve your singing skills, you'll gain a sense of accomplishment and pride in your abilities.

5. Cognitive Benefits:

Learning and memorizing songs can stimulate your memory and cognitive abilities. It requires you to remember lyrics, melodies, and phrasing.
Singing can improve your focus and concentration, as it demands attention to rhythm, pitch, and timing.

You don't need to be a professional singer to experience these benefits.

And don't just take my word for it. Check out this article from Healthline.

Singing can be a joyful and fulfilling hobby that brings happiness and improved well-being to your life in whatever form you pursue it. Whether you sing in the shower, join a local choir, or simply sing along to your favorite songs in the car, the act of singing can positively impact your physical and mental health.

Be sure to check out the rest of voice-your-potential.com if you're ready to pursue your love of singing and reap all the benefits it can bring!

Artist Development Posts

Self Improvement Books for Women Are No Match For Your Long-Lost Singing Dream!

Self improvement books for women have their place... but diving into your long-lost love of singing is the ultimate self-help program!

For nearly two decades, I've worked with women over 35 whose path to self-improvement led them to reigniting their love of singing through taking lessons with me. And I watched over and over again, as their pursuit of singing became a clear avenue for success with self-improvement. Here are just some of the reasons for that:

Reigniting an old dream reconnects you with who you really are.
Learning firsthand that you can improve and love the sound of your own voice is empowering, motivating, and beyond rewarding.
The genuine confidence and self-belief a singer has to develop to share her voice with the world leaks into every other aspect of her life.
The pursuit of creative goals creates a sense of meaningful purpose that has clients looking forward to waking up each day.
Success with singing requires mental, emotional, and physical self-care - and therefore provides internal motivation that leads to success in all those areas.

Using your love of singing as a tool for self-improvement can be a fulfilling and empowering journey. And more importantly, tying your personal growth to a creative pursuit provides longterm internal motivation, because singing is an ongoing, evolving goal. Meaning, it becomes a lifestyle change, not just a phase you go through.

Ready to blow past those self improvement books for women and use that long-lost singing dream to love your life?

Then here's a 10-step action plan to embark on that path...

Part One: Self-Assessment

1. Explore why you haven't pursued your love of singing before now. These obstacles may still be present, so you want to recognize them when they pop up again (they most likely will). It's a good idea to start a journal and write these things down.

Was it fear and self-doubt? Did you believe you weren't good enough?
Was it considered silly and "unrealistic" by others around you (or you)? Did you figure that if it wasn't possible to make a lot of money, there was no point in pursuing it? Or did you just never really consider pursuing your love of singing?
Did it fade away after you started a family? Did you feel it was selfish to continue with it? Did you just feel too tired and distracted?

2. Assess Your Current Skills:

Identify your current level of singing. It's best to get outside, impartial feedback for this. Women tend to be hard on themselves and friends tend to say unhelpful things like, "You sound great!" If you don't have a way of getting this feedback, consider a Single Assessment Consult with me.
Identify you current level of performance skills. For most newbies, performance skills haven't been practiced at all. But it's worth assessing and noting in your journal to monitor your progress. Sing in front of a friend (or imagine an audience) and write down what happens - how you feel, how your body reacts, how well your brain works (did you forget all the lyrics?), etc...

3. Assess Your Current Self-Care. Since we sing with our bodies, how we take care of our bodies effects our singing. So, here are some things to assess and possibly tweak for the sake of your singing goals. Write your thoughts about the following things in your journal.

Mindset. Do you employ the journey mentality (progress, not perfection)? Do you succumb to negative self-talk or recognize it for what it is (basically, fear)? Do you have a support system (friends, family members, online groups)? Do you need help with imposter syndrome (take this free quiz, if you're not sure)?
Singer's health. Do you average 7 hours of sleep per night? Do you drink water regularly throughout the day (at least a cup every two hours)? Do you eat a healthy, balanced diet? Would you benefit from cutting back on dairy, salt, alcohol, and/or sugar (you can test each one over time to learn if you sing better when you cut back)? Do you take time for yourself to recharge your batteries and be alone with your thoughts?

Part Two: Skill Development

4. Create a practice schedule.

Your practice time is your "me time." Schedule it and stick with it. This is a great way to develop your boundary-keeping skills.

5. Find a vocal warmup and exercise routine.

This is how singers get better - not from singing songs. Song work is where you experience the progress. If you're not interested in paying a teacher for weekly coaching, consider my membership program for your practice sessions.

6. Begin to challenge yourself to perform.

Karaoke nights at local venues are a great way to do this. Remember that performance is it's own skill to develop through mindful practice. Be patient and work on one or two new things to improve at each performance.

Part Three: Artist Development

7. Expand Your Repertoire:

In the early stages, explore various musical genres and styles to broaden your singing skills and versatility. Don't limit yourself to one genre. You may be pleasantly surprised by what you end up really enjoying or excelling at.

8. Assess who you want to be while singing.

Even if you're not planning on creating a musical project yet, ask yourself how you want to be seen on stage. Party girl? Insightful thinker? Rocker chick? How would you want an audience member to describe you to friends? Dig deeper than just "as a good singer." What is your stage personality?

9. Practice your stage personality.

The next time you practice performing, channel the stage personality you defined (or try out one of the possibilities) in step 8. This is likely the person you really want to be in the world. You can let her out to play when you're singing. Have fun with it!

10. Make singing about mindfulness and self-care.

Singing can be emotionally powerful. It can help reduce stress, improve mood, and boost your overall well-being. It can be your "me time," your motivation for physical self-care, and your sense of adventure in life. It can be a way to share a piece of yourself with the world, a piece that might not get the air time it deserves in the rest of your life. You can potentially make money from your love of singing, but the most valuable return on investment is the joy, purpose, and adventure it brings into your life!

Remember that self-improvement is a personal journey, and progress may vary from person to person. Celebrate your successes along the way and be patient with yourself as you work towards your singing and self-improvement goals. And let me know how I can help!

Artist Development Posts

2 Pitfalls that Killed Desiree’s Dream of Being a Singer

When she was 23, Desiree started lessons with me.

Her vision of success centered around becoming a contestant on the Voice. There was an audition in a neighboring state just two months away and she enlisted my help to prepare for it.

Within her first few lessons, several things became clear:

She had all the raw talent necessary for being a singer.
She had even more drive and ambition.
She wasn’t ready for the Voice.

I told Desiree that I believed she could be ready to audition by the following year, but she insisted that she didn’t want to wait. So, all I could do was my absolute best to help her prepare.

I wasn’t privy to everything going on behind the scenes for Desiree. I was, however, aware of two potential pitfalls:

Her parents were unsupportive of her desire to become a singer, and a huge part of her motivation was to prove them wrong.
She had a relentless sense that the Voice was her only right path for accomplishing this - despite my many attempts to point out that there are a thousand ways to be a singer.

Fast forward two months…

Desiree auditioned for the voice, didn’t make it past the first round, and became so inconsolable about it, she gave up singing altogether. I never saw her again.

Why am I telling you about Desiree’s squashed dream?

She is a slightly exaggerated version of a cautionary tale I witness all the time. And I want you to be sure you’re not headed down a similar path.

You have to support yourself the right way - even if the people around you don't support you!

The problem for Desiree’s dream of being a singer.

As I already said, she had raw talent and tons of drive. But she fell hard into two common pitfalls:

The wrong motivation.
A too-narrow vision of success.

The Wrong Motivation:

It may seem harmless to be driven by the idea of proving others wrong. But by itself, it’s unsustainable no matter the outer circumstances.

What if her parents never supported her dream, even if she did pass that initial round of the Voice?
What if they changed their minds and did begin to support her despite not passing that first round?

Either way, how would Desiree continue to motivate herself?

Internal motivation is the only sustainable kind. It makes you enjoy working on your voice and revel in the little signs of progress along the way. It makes you feel like you’re being the person you were meant to be – not the one that will “show your parents!” It feeds you instead of adding stress to your life.

A Too Narrow Vision of Success:

I’ll be honest. I’m not a fan of singing competition shows. They perpetuate misunderstandings about singing and about what it means to be a singer (and most of the judges’ comments are at worst, harmful, and at best, useless. IMHO).

Here are some of the wrong messages viewers can get from these shows:

“If I, at 30, can’t sing like the 10-year-old super singer I just saw on AGT, I can never be a good singer.” Um, no. Some folks start out with their “planets aligned” in a way that makes it come more easily for them, but most of us professional singers just worked hard at it over an extended period.
“If I can’t do riffs and runs like famous singers, I can never become a successful singer.” Um, still no. Not only can you work to develop your vocal agility, but you can be a great, successful, and loved singer without a single riff.
“The best way to become a famous singer is to win a singing competition show.” Let’s do some math. Singing competition shows have been popular for about twenty years. Let’s say we count the top three finalists of American Idol, AGT (which isn’t just for singers), and the Voice each year for that time. That would be 9 per year for 20 years, which is 180 singers over the course of 20 years.

It's a hard number to nail down, but Billboard estimates there are currently 1.8 million musical artists in the United States alone. They aren’t all singers, but we can imagine at the very least that hundreds of thousands of them are.

Compare that to 180 finalists over the past 20 years. Not only is getting onto a singing competition show and becoming a finalist incredibly rare, it’s also apparently unnecessary. Look how many singers are doing their thing without that!

The solution that could've saved Desiree’s dream of being a singer.

Desiree was motivated by external forces (proving her parents wrong) and had a too-narrow vision of success (HAD to be the Voice and HAD to be that year). Her goal of being a singer could have been achieved if she:

Found internal motivation based on self-belief and joy.
Reveled in small wins instead of over-focusing on final outcomes.
Had been open to the different ways her dream could have come into being.

By the way… if you want to audition for a singing competition, have at it. What a great experience! But if it doesn’t turn out the way you want – which is likely based on the math - try the next avenue.

To sum it all up…

I'll pass this to you now since you’re reading this because you also dream of being a great singer…

Do you have internal motivation based on self-belief and joy?
Do you revel in small wins instead of over-focusing on final outcomes?
Are you open to the different ways your dream can be realized?
Do you want help narrowing down what your current focus should be based on where you are today with your singing goals?

Alright. I admit it.

I slipped that last one in to tell you about my new Artist Development Coaching Program.

For six months, I'll be by your side helping you hone your skills, combat your inner obstacles, and design your next ideal musical project.

Check it out to make sure you're on a path of progress and success… Don’t be Desiree!

Artist Development Posts

Questions for Those Considering a Creative Career (and the Parents Who Don’t Want Them To)

It’s always interesting when you realize your current path, no matter how fresh and new it feels, is something you’ve been heading down for years. The following post is one I first published back in 2013 and recently happened across while perusing the archives of a past website. Not only is the information still entirely relevant (especially as we near the end of another school year), but it reminds me that my current coaching model is one I’ve been building for a decade and more.

I mentor young people who want to make singing the centerpiece of their lives with a program that combines vocal and performance coaching with artist development and financial health. I essentially give young people what I wish I had myself when I was young, what I didn’t get from my university degrees in music. The timing is perfect for this kind of alternative path, since colleges charge immorally exorbitant tuition these days and yet leave many graduates no better off in the workplace.

If you and/or someone you love is considering a creative career, consider the questions in this article. If you’d like to go deeper with your exploration, schedule a free consult and I’ll happily help you think out your options. College will always be one option, but it’s not the only one.

Here’s the article…

Many times, when a young person expresses a desire to pursue a career in the arts, parents immediately try to steer them away. This article is, in part, for you parents who are experiencing anything from mild, quiet concern to downright refusal to pay for art school. This article is also for the young person considering the arts, so you can critically think out your dreams with or without your parents support.

I have witnessed variations on this situation from many angles over the years, from being the kid choosing music, to knowing the burden of paying loans on not a lot of income, to coaching the adult who is now a doctor but who feels unfulfilled because she didn’t pursue her musical dreams.

Because I’ve seen this so much, it actually breaks my heart when I meet a young person whose parents are trying to divert them from a creative career. I also understand it. We want our children to thrive in the world. There is no one right answer for every person but to get to the right answer for you, you have to ask the right questions. Here are a few…

For the parent:

Begin with the basic question, “What do I want for my son/daughter?” Come up with about five answers and for every answer you give, ask yourself three follow up questions:

Is my desired outcome guaranteed if he/she pursues a more “practical” career path?
Is this same outcome possible with an artistic career?
How can I help this outcome be achieved no matter what path he or she chooses?

I’ll explain more.

Let’s say your first answer to the first question is, “I want my son to be financially secure.” Your follow-up questions would be:

Is financial security guaranteed if he pursues business (law, psychology) instead of art?
Is financial security possible with an artistic career?
How can I help my son achieve financial security no matter what path he chooses?

Let’s say your second answer to the first question is, “I want my daughter to be fulfilled.” These would be your follow-up questions:

Is fulfillment guaranteed if she pursues business (law, psychology) instead of art?
Is fulfillment possible with an artistic career?
How can I help my daughter achieve fulfillment no matter what path she chooses?

You get the gist of it. I think you’ll find that all of the things you want for your children can be achieved no matter what they decide to do with their lives–as long as you are there supporting them and teaching them how to be successful. Meaning, if you’re worried that your son will be a starving artist for the rest of his life, refusing to pay for college is the worst thing you can do. The best thing you can do is teach him to go for money as much as fulfillment, to expect financial security and then do what is necessary to have it. Remember, the definition of “success” is incomplete without the word, “happy”.

But the reality is, some young folks don’t really want to do all that is necessary to be successful in their chosen art discipline. Which brings us to the next round of questions.

For the potential career artist/musician/actor, etc…

What exactly do you imagine yourself doing to earn a living? What challenges have others faced that you may also face? Are you up for those challenges?
Is a college degree necessary for this goal? Are their alternative (and more affordable) ways to gain the skills and experience needed to be successful?
Are there related jobs that could help you support yourself while you pursue your art (teaching, for example)? Do they require specific education that you should include in your studies (if you’re going the college route)?
What is it about music/art/acting that you love the most? What percentage of the time do you think you’d be doing those things? How do you feel about having to do the parts that you don’t like as much?
What work are you willing to do to support yourself until you can reach your ultimate goal, and what everyday comforts are you willing to go without?
What if it took you 8 years of working a day job (and possibly not making a lot of money) before you could earn a living at your goal? Would you still want to do it? Or would you prefer to pursue a more fulfilling primary job and make your craft your side gig?

Answering these questions fully will require time and perhaps some research. Your happiness is worth it so don’t skimp on either. Some will walk away deciding to be avid hobbyists rather than career artists. Others will decide that any potential struggle is worth following dreams. No matter what, though, the decision will be made with eyes wide open.

Artist Development Posts, Confidence Coaching Posts

Coming Back From Imposter Syndrome

My musical journey began around age six. That’s the year I had my first solo performance. It was on the trombone. The song I performed was When The Saints Go Marching In. This was the first of many musical “wins” I experienced at a young age, well before I became a music student in college.

Despite the plethora of experiences, accolades, and accomplishments I made early in life, I still went into the adult world feeling like an imposter and struggling with severe performance anxiety. I avoided opportunities that presented themselves, chose projects that weren’t me, and deferred to others who didn’t have my knowledge and experience.

When I tell friends this today, they are shocked. Even the ones who knew me back then. I had used my social chameleon to convince them I was exactly where I wanted to be. The bigger problem, of course, was that my chameleon convinced me, as well.

It would have taken a mere glance at myself to see through my own deceit and self-imposed obstacles. But I didn’t know to look. And I didn’t have someone else to point my eyes in the right direction, and be there to nudge me forward.

Still, I got there, despite the unnecessary strolls around the block it took me to arrive. And the journey instilled in me an unquenchable thirst for helping others like me take a much shorter path. I essentially designed the Female Lead Singer membership bundle for myself – a much younger version of myself. Come to think of it, the Budding Songwriter bundle is also for a younger me. These things are the closest I can get to going back in time and doing better for myself.

I encourage you, wherever you are on your path, to take regular quiet moments to ask yourself two questions:

Is there something I’m lying to myself, or misleading myself about that’s negatively impacting something important to me?
What can I do to stop the lie, and if need be, who can help me?

I’m happy with where I am today but sad for the younger me who needed support and didn’t have it. Let me be that support for you, if you need it, and make it a goal to learn to be that support for yourself.

Artist Development Posts

3 Reasons You’re Not Too Old to Learn to Sing (Adult Singing Lessons)

Older adults shouldn’t take singing lessons? Nonsense!

Some old wives’ tales never go away. One such tale is the idea that we grow older to a point where we become unteachable. Not only CAN older adults take singing lessons, but I have three reasons why you SHOULD!

Reason #1 for adult singing lessons: Older adults make better learners.

There are real advantages to pursuing a new skill later in life…

Most likely, you have a better big-picture view of how things progress than you did when you were younger.
You’re also less likely to stress the little things and more inclined to put time and energy into activities you enjoy.
You also likely have a self-awareness that you didn’t have when you were younger.

All these things are huge advantages when developing new motor skills.

Reason #2 for adult singing lessons: Pursuing a passion makes you happier, healthier, and keeps your brain sharp.

The data is in. There is a multitude of physical and emotional benefits that come from singing, like:

Lowered stress
Boosted immunity
Improved mental health
Improved memory
Improved brain function

Plus, pursuing a passion adds purpose, fulfillment, adventure, challenge, and fun to your life!

Reason #3 for adult singing lessons: You deserve to become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

If you’re like most adults who consider singing lessons, you first found joy in singing when you were younger. But for whatever reasons, family, job, etc… you didn’t pursue it. Now you have two options, decide it’s too late for you and walk away, or commit to going after something you love before it’s really no longer an option (you can’t do it from six feet under. Just saying!)

I’v Adult Singing Lessons e helped countless older learners pursue their singing dreams. Some are getting solos in their church choirs. Others are gigging out in public venues. Like Leonard, here!

How did he do it?

He embraced the athlete mentality. Which means, he

learned how his body works to sing
worked out his voice to strengthen the muscles involved in singing
developed the right motor skills and motor habits
and did these things with patience and persistence

And what’s THE most important truth to embrace regarding the athlete mentality?

You don’t have to be born with it!

Just like you don’t have to be born a jogger/bicyclist/soccer player to become one, you don’t have to be born a singer. The right adult singing lessons will train you to become the singer-athlete of your dreams.

So, how can you get started today?

Schedule a free chat for feedback and guidance.

Artist Development Posts, Confidence Coaching Posts

How to Communicate: For People and Artists

People tend to believe that good communication is about knowing what you want to say. And that is certainly an important step. If you’re not clear on the message, it’ll be hard to deliver it. But this is only one step in successful communication.

I’ve heard others say that good communication is about listening. I understand the point of this statement, and it makes for a great Facebook meme. But once I know the What of my message, I hardly think listening would be the next step.

No. The next step after What is How. And this is where a lot of communication goes awry. We see things the way we see them, and we forget that the view, language, and experience is always different from another angle. That angle could be influenced by your past experiences, or your personal priorities, how you interpret certain words, or a myriad of other variables. And from that standpoint, no perspective is wrong. They’re just different.

Nothing drove this home for me more than my experiences practicing in bands. And when I began to apply a similar approach to the messages of my craft and business, it was equally beneficial. Before we get to that, though, imagine this scenario during a band rehearsal:

Drummer: Let’s go back to the part where I go (swings arms around wildly) bap-bu-bee-boo, taka-taka-tee, taka-taka-tee.

Rhythm Guitarist: You mean the section where I’m strumming on the upbeats?

Keyboardist: No. Where I play that string pad for eight measures, right?

Drummer: No, the part where I go (swings arms around wildly again) bap-bu-bee-boo, taka-taka-tee, taka-taka-tee.

Singer: You mean, when I sing “Ooh baby” twice?

Drummer: No. This part. Taka-taka-tee, taka-taka-tee.

Rhythm Guitarist: Right! Where I’m strumming on the upbeats.

Lead Guitarist: Just before the solo at the bridge?

Drummer: No. This part. Taka-taka-tee, taka-taka-tee.

Singer: Oh! I know what you mean. When I’m riffing on the word “looooove!”

Drummer: No! I quit! (starts taking down his set).

This is an exaggerated interaction, but only a little.

The problem in this scenario is that everyone understands the song from the perspective of their own experience with it. None of them is aware enough of the other members’ perspectives to be able to communicate productively. If the drummer knew what his bandmates were doing at the place in the song he wanted to practice, he’d have been able to easily communicate what he wanted.

The same goes for your craft, whatever it may be. If you have a great idea for a song, choosing the best lyrics and structuring them in a way that will be understood and memorable for the listener isn’t “selling out to the capitalist complex.” It’s putting your great message into a format where it’ll best be received. Isn’t that the point of having a message?

I often get pushback from creative folks who “don’t want to ruin their art by learning music theory.” But the reality is, Western music theory is ingrained in our culture. Our ears already know what it sounds like, training or not. You can innovate inside it, but everyone will know if you do it straight-up wrong. It’s like saying, I don’t want to ruin my writing by learning the alphabet. It’s silliness. But I’ve gotten a little off-track.

Changing how you communicate so you can be understood by someone who doesn’t think like you is not giving in or selling out. It’s being a good communicator. Which means, a well-delivered message will change according to circumstances.

If I want to help a singer who is very religious open up and let loose, I’ll tell him to spread his arms, look upward, and sing to God. If I want the same from an atheist singer who loves being out in nature, I’ll tell her to imagine she’s standing at the rocky summit of a mountain she just climbed and sing to the glorious setting sun. I don’t do this because I’m two-faced about religious convictions. I do it because good communication isn’t about me. It’s about the person I’m communicating to.

So the next time you get frustrated by someone who doesn’t understand you, ask yourself, “Am I being like that drummer Judy wrote about?” Then, instead of examining your message (or giving up), examine the receiver. And learn that person’s language.

I’d love to hear your thoughts…

Artist Development Posts, Confidence Coaching Posts

Life Comes With You, So Bring Your Journey Mentality

The pursuit of a long-term dream takes work and persistence, and a whole lot of keeping your eye on the prize. Because of that, we can unknowingly create expectations that are unrealistic – something along the lines of “I can’t wait to finally get there so I can relax and know everything is fine.”

Hooked up and ready for our first RV adventure in 2013.

We’ve all had that feeling. The first time I hopped into an RV for an untimed adventure was in the summer of 2013. I had just closed my pop music school in Keene, NH, which had become a two-migraine-a-week nightmare thanks in part to the housing crash of 2008. I had such high hopes for the changes we were making, which created in me something I call a Destination Mentality. Meaning, on some level I believed that living in the RV would somehow mean I’d reached Nirvana, and all would be well.

Many singers do something similar. I was once asked by a potential adult vocal student, “How long does it take?” I don’t remember my exact response, but I think it may have been something like, “To do what?”

She was asking me how long before she could be a singer, maybe? Or be done working on her singing, maybe? Either way, this question was born of a destination mentality. Each accomplishment in singing and in life can lead you to three more things you’d love to make happen. At least, until you don’t want any of it anymore. Before then, there’s no real graduation.

When you finally get to implement the actual dream part of your dreamy plan, it’s still only one moment along the overall journey of your life. Just like every other day. And just like every other day, you’ll still be affected by your personal challenges and life’s ups and downs.

I hadn’t been thinking that way in 2013. So, when I didn’t immediately feel freer, when I continued to struggle to get to the next place in my career, when Michael and I bickered about stupid things that didn’t matter, I felt like we had failed.

Mistakes were made, the first being that I had succumbed to a destination mentality without realizing it. Another and equally important mistake was that I wasn’t running toward something. I was running away.

But life comes with you.

Change can bring stress and mental fatigue. That’s only a problem if you don’t expect it. If you’re kind to yourself, if you remember and appreciate the changes you’re going through, you can just roll up your pant legs and wade through the changes until the water recedes. And your dream will still be there waiting to unfold with you.

Go after your best life. Starting today. Just never forget that life comes with you.

Judy Fine is a full-time RVer and Vocal, Performance, & Creative Confidence Coach

Got a creative lifestyle dream you’d like to work toward. Consider creative confidence coaching with me. Visit www.voice-your-potential.com to request a free consultation.

Artist Development Posts

Who Are You? How to help your inner artist thrive.

Wanting to create things to share with the world can seem stressful for many creatives. They spend a lot of time wondering things like, What will people respond to? What will they be willing to pay for? What will get them to follow me on instagram?

Other creatives scoff at those types of questions and say things like, I don’t care what other people think. I’m not a sell-out!

But let’s be real. You’re creating something and sharing it with the world because you want others to be somehow touched by it. So, you do care how they feel.

At the same time, you’re not here to produce what others place an order for. You’re not a waitress. Instead of wondering what others want from you, ask yourself want you want to give them. Stop taking everyone’s orders and start showing them what’s on the menu.

When you know who you are you can fully be that person, and then your peeps will find you.

So, let me ask you again. Who are you?

For creative folks, a more targeted question to ask is, Who are you as an artist? – Or musician? – Or solopreneur?

“I’m a singer,” or “I’m a painter” are equally insufficient answers. They tell us the medium through which you’ve chosen to share yourself with the world.

But who are you?

Decades ago, I was in a cover band called CoolBernie. At the time, the people around me considered me a person who lived a bit on the fringe. Now, really fringy people wouldn’t have agreed, but to mainstream folks, I was out there. I was pretty transient, I worked incredibly flexible nowhere jobs to support my music habit, and I adamantly refused to be anyone’s girlfriend. I also swore a lot, never heard a statement that made me blush, and pissed off a lot of women with my views on wedding and marriage rituals (ask me some other time).

But look at me in this gig flyer (female on the right). Does that match anything I just described? I look as though I’m about to take tea with other Ladies Who Lunch. Where is my personality?

I’m not dissing myself or my looks – just pointing out how I was still avoiding getting to know and embrace who I was. On a deep level, I was afraid to ask myself the question – afraid of the answer. I was suppressing fear and artistic self-worth issues to pretend they weren’t there.

I didn’t put a clear artist persona out into the world.

I see it in others all the time. There are amazing singers out there who can sing almost anything well. And because of that, they sing almost anything. And because of that, we the audience don’t know who they are.

No, defining who you are as an artist isn’t selling out. This is business. And business is marketing. And marketing today is branding yourself. I heard a great quote recently, and I find it frequently bouncing around my head as I work from day to day.

There are no original messages, just original messengers.

This can be translated into, There are no original songs, just original singers. So how do you find your uniqueness? What songs should you sing? What kind of act should you create? How should you dress, behave, and interact on social media?

All these questions become easy to answer once you’ve answered the biggie: Who are you?

You must be so sick of this question by now. So, let me get you on the road to answering it using the following three steps. Ready?

1. Collect Data: The life you’ve lived thus far has a lot to tell you. The trick is listening to it. Sometimes we feel there is a certain way we should live, or a certain kind of singer we should be. And because of those arbitrary rules we’ve treated as gospel, we don’t allow ourselves to change or be how we really are. Looking honestly at how things have made you feel in the past tells you honestly who you are. Some questions to ask as you begin data collection:

What songs/projects have felt the most rewarding and made me the happiest both during and after completing them? Are they the songs that I think SHOULD make me happy, or the songs that made someone else feel happy, or did they really make ME happy?
What songs/projects have gotten the best response from others? Do these things line up with my answer to the previous question? If not, can I find/create more that appease both?
What general feedback have I gotten over the years? Do people tell me I’m funny? Caring? Crazy? Weird? Have I been showing this side of myself in my work? How can I inject more of these traits in my creative pursuits? If people are drawn to these traits in your daily life, they will also appreciate them in your creative life.

2. Examine Your Relationship With The World: Putting your creative self out there requires a balanced relationship with the world. Are you trying to share yourself as a peer with your audience or are you worrying about pleasing them (like a subordinate)? Do you see yourself as an imposter (a post about IMPOSTER SYNDROME)? Do you struggle with performance anxiety (ANOTHER POST)? Is the social chameleon in you stopping you from knowing yourself (yet ANOTHER)? Working through these sorts of things will make a world of difference in your performances, both artistic and everyday performances.

I also encourage you to put aside all your expectations and ideas about how you SHOULD be in the world, and take an honest look at who you naturally are by pondering questions like these.

How do you want to be seen by others? Notice, I’m not asking you how you think they see you or want to see you. How do YOU want to be seen?
What do you want people to think of when they think of you? What values, strengths and quirks would you like them to see?
How do you want to be remembered? When you leave a room or performance, what human feelings and impact (beyond “what a great singer!”) do you hope to leave behind?
Are you making decisions in your life (artistic and in general) that align with your above answers? If not, what stops you? Is it fear? Are you trying to be something that isn’t a good match for how you truly are?
What can you tweak, add, or eliminate to better align your day-to-day life with your above answers?

3. Assess Your Craft: A common question I get from singing students goes something like, “How do I know what songs are best for my voice?” I won’t say this is a bad question, because it’s not. But it’s the wrong question. This question supposes a right-or-wrong approach that is determined by outsiders or other external sources. It also assumes that you can’t further hone your craft in a way that you want.

Outer feedback is merely a tool for collecting data or improving skills, never for determining who you are as an artist.

The artist inside you is the only one to consult for that. Here are better things to ask yourself:

How do I want to feel when I’m singing (or creating any project)? What kinds of things do I want to express? Do I want to make a party? Make people think? Make people rebel? Not every song or project will be the same, but what’s the overriding emotion or perspective I feel drawn to expressing right now?
Are there feelings that I’m not capable of putting across in my projects? What skills can I hone to better express those feelings, or how can I inject my current skills in a different way to get the desired emotions across?
What things about myself or my craft have I considered flaws up until now, and how can I turn them into features? A breathy and almost weak voice has worked great for Suzanne Vega. Some might call that kind of voice flawed, yet every time I hear one of her songs I know it’s her because no one else sings like her. That sounds like a feature to me. What are you calling a flaw that you could turn into a feature?

Collecting data from your life, examining your relationship with the world, and honestly assessing your craft are the three primary categories to delve into as you learn who you are as an artist. I hope doing so will help solidify your path as you pursue your creative goals. Just keep these two last things in mind:

You will change as you grow. Revisit these questions periodically in your life and allow yourself to evolve.
You may learn that something you were certain was true is, in fact, not. That’s okay. Add that knowledge to the data you collect and change your conclusions.

Did I leave anything out? Let me know…

Judy Fine

Full-time RVer and Vocal, Performance, & Creative Confidence Coach

Got a creative lifestyle dream you’d like to work toward. Consider creative confidence coaching with me. Visit www.voice-your-potential.com to request a free consultation.

Artist Development Posts, Confidence Coaching Posts

Obstacles to Confident Performances, Part 3: Social Chameleon

After performance anxiety and imposter syndrome, the next top hurdle between many folks and their ability to perform confidently in life is being a social chameleon.

The term social chameleon refers to a person who unconsciously adapts traits, actions, opinions, etc. to fit whatever environment they find themselves in – the way a chameleon changes its colors to fit its environment. Like all traits, there are benefits and drawbacks to being this way. You can both do better in group dynamics than others but lose yourself in a way that they don’t because you’re not being who you are. On top of that, there’s something very important to understand about the social chameleon.

The chameleon isn’t just social.

I completely wasted my twenties. Not with fun things, like partying too much. I wasted it by being everyone’s perfect chameleon. Sometimes proudly so.

A person wasting her twenties isn’t unusual. The twenties are when we test out our first prototype of the person we think we want to be. We’re working entirely on hypotheses with no actual data to support our suppositions. It’s our first shot at learning who we are.

Part of learning who we are is learning how we fit into the world. Social chameleons fit pretty well, or at least are good at pretending to, because they adapt so easily. But in my twenties, my chameleon also came out in two very important and intimate areas of my life:

My dreams and my relationships.

My chameleon heard a relative say, “But don’t you want to get a real job?” and she thought, “Well a master’s degree could lead to a pretty respectable career. I think I want to go to grad school.” And I did, despite not wanting a “real” job.

My chameleon heard my boyfriend say, “We should get married,” and she thought, “He’ll be so disappointed and hurt if I say no. I guess I want to get married.” And I did, despite not being anything close to ready for marriage.

I was good at fitting in when I wanted to, and this helped me avoid a lot of real-time discomfort. Yet, I repeatedly allowed my adaptation skills to determine the trajectory of my life, which led to much future discomfort. The chameleon taken to this extreme is a kind of performance anxiety. How other people feel about your performance in life becomes more important than how you feel, in part because you fear the discomfort of an audience that won’t clap.

Between my performance anxiety, imposter syndrome, and chameleon tendencies, my twenties became an endless barrage of what my ex-husband would have called revving the gas in neutral. I worked, stressed, and racked up debt for a life I didn’t want. With each chameleon action implemented, I sank a little deeper into a pit of depression and invisibility.

Wow. Sounds pretty bad, huh?

But here’s the amazing part. We each have a person inside us, our real selves. This person knows who we are and what we need. And they are waiting to be set free, one way or another. When I look at pictures of myself from my twenties, I can see that confident person in there, not yet ready to step forward but there. And I feel sympathy for her that she had no one in her life to see what was happening and help her find a way out.

She did step forward when the time was right.

It took much more time than is desirable, but I suppose it was inevitable. The outer me had become so numb and broken that the real me sort of leached through to the surface. One day, without knowing it was coming, I heard myself say to my now ex-husband, “I need to take a break.”

That person inside me saved us both. That was the day I hopped off the wrong path and began building the confidence and sense of deservedness necessary to put myself before my audience. That’s the key.

You before your audience.

This is why I do what I do today. Because I want to be for others what I didn’t have for myself.

And here’s an interesting side note. That family member who thought I needed a “real” job ended up clapping for me years later (metaphorically speaking) once I found my way.

Performance anxiety, imposter syndrome, and the chameleon have a way of teaming up and supporting each other as they throw us and our lives off the rails. No matter what measurement of each you see in your life, all three should be managed if they’re there at all.

So, tell me. Do you have chameleon tendencies?

There’s an easy way to check in and see. The next time you’re about to share a thought, idea, or update on your life, etc… ask yourself, “Am I about to say what’s true for me or what I think the person listening wants to hear?”

I promise you, it’s never too late to be who you really are.

Let me know your thoughts.

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